Random thoughts,ideas,journal,quotes,

test

2011-07-18T23:48:00.001-07:00

testing this out

2007-07-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

Questions become the cages
That trap dreams and hope within
Held to tight they dim
without freedom to grow and change

2007-07-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

I sit tonight on the porch watching in the distance as the sky is lit as a thousand flashes dance across the night sky. I look above to see the few stars left in the night as the cloud cover creeps ever closer. Stillness I can’t describe a breath so deep is taken, as though the moment is frozen in time. The thunderheads I can now see so clearly off into the horizon as there tops reach so high through the night, shadows that dance as the lightning flashes.
Always the hardest, sitting in the still before the storm watching as it grows, watching as the stars become ever so covered as it moves closer. Not knowing what will happen only that there is no escape, a prayer spoken in the night to find strength to weather the storm as so many times in life.
Peace knowing that it will pass, even though it holds within so much uncertainty it will move on and in its wake hope, newness as the rains wash away what has been, and give life to what will be.
So hard tonight to sit in the breath before the storm watching as it grows knowing so much becomes so uncertain.
Hope

2006-10-25T22:51:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite quotes is one by Rainer Marie Rilke:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.
- Rainer Marie Rilke

For so long in my life, I have tried to live so many questions, but for so long it always seemed that I often found only more questions that could not be answered. I have sat so many nights searching through the pages of my life, sorting through the moments I have lived trying to decipher an understanding of my own life, my mortality, and the fate that unseen leads us. Knowing that there is a reason why things happen, and knowing maybe in the end all we can do is to put our faith into God and know that each day I am traveling down a road that although cannot be seen ahead I am where I was meant to be at this time in my life.

Then one day recently it was as though I woke to find a clarity that I have never felt before in my life. As though I was able to look back and to see where I have been, to be able to let go of the tears and smiles found in the moments that have passed and at the same moment find hope knowing that with each new day I am a little closer to those answers I have lived the questions to for so long now. Life does go on each day rather we want to let it or not, and the past becomes just that, and we are left with a future that is our own, all we must do is to trust in God and know that one day we all find our dreams, our wishes and our hopes. It is about the journey and the trials that we go through, that makes it so much sweeter when we find them.

There are no short cuts on this journey, no scenic routes, or detours only life. A life that we must all find our own answers to, as we live the questions we find, and look for answers ones that only come with time.

Fireflies

2006-10-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the front porch watching as the sun slowly sets over the fields, the kids with their jars as they play a game of hide and catch with the fireflies.
Remembering when I was a child at my Grandparents house in Hoffman, Il, how it felt as though those evenings would last forever.
Watching, as my children make those memories that someday they will look back on and find those smiles, ones someday they will share with their own children.
Flickers of light, catching each one holding onto them before they are gone, they pass so fast. Memories and smiles found in something so simple as fireflies in an old ball jar,moments when life becomes so easy.

Sunrise

2006-09-26T23:15:00.002-07:00

The darkness of night slipping slowly fades into the everlasting cycles of time as the sky changes into a watercolor painting hung so deep within ones soul.
It has been so long since I can remember watching the sun rise, so many years have slipped by so fast, stopping to catch my breath wondering where they have gone.
As I wake the boys it seems like only a moment ago I held them in my arms for the first time. Growing so fast before my eyes, forgetting so often to stop and take each of these moments and hold them for they only happen once.

Fragile

2006-09-26T23:15:00.001-07:00

Fragile, is the rose; fragile is love, something you can’t hold onto to tight. Wilts so easily when taken for granted, so easy is it to turn your eyes for a moment to only find it gone.

Words

2006-09-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

A Word, something so simple yet something that can carry with it so much responsibility. Something so few understand, the weight that each one carries.

Back to blogging

2006-09-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

I guess I have taken some time off lately from writing to the blog. Will try and get back into it more regularly than I have been.

2006-07-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

“Do not walk in front of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk behind me for I may become lost and not lead. Walk with me side by side hand in hand and together we will get through anything. Love true love gets you through anything; it will always be the light to shine through the night into tomorrow’s wake. Love never fails only do we fail each other, nor does love ever become lost, only do we.”

2006-07-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

Living the question

Simple:

something so few do, spending life wondering what might be or could of been if only instead of playing out the questions in the safety of there thoughts, they take a chance on finding out the answer....rather for the good or the bad the answer is lived and the answer is found.......To live the question is to live life without the regrets or doubts of what might be,or should of been if only.. but living life to find what is and will be the answers hidden in the unknown of tomorrow that so few stand up too.

So much time, so many nights laying in the stillness wondering what might be if only.........Taking a chance to live those questions.....the outcome unknown exept to God and fate....time slipping, slipping as the days fade into another....A heart that still beats with love......The questions and the answers live within those involved......All that is left is to something that sounds simple yet becomes so hard.....to take a chance.......That maybe love does not fail.

untitled

2006-03-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

Life becomes so full of difficulties, crossroads that so often we find ourselves standing at, cycles that start and all too often end before we have a chance to adjust. It is amazing how fast life can change before ones eyes, paths that we think are so certain, roads that we travel become lost so fast left only in the light of the bridges as they slowly burn knowing that there is no way to go back somehow strength must be found in the unseen that lays before us. Taking a breath and saying a prayer and stepping into tomorrow.

Lost to find i was always here

2006-03-03T22:43:00.000-08:00

For so long as I searched for so many years for the boy I remembered the one at those happier times in my life, I found he was never lost. I found that at so many times when I felt I was lost I was always there, I never left. I found that what had happened was something wonderful, something so slow I didn’t notice, A gift we are all given in life one that we have no choice and must all accept, I was growing as I still am inside. I will never find the person I was because I have grown; I have changed and will never be him again, I couldn’t find him because he grew up, as my life had changed he did too. At moments now when I feel so lost inside I know I am still there, just growing, changing and it becomes my choice rather it is for the best or worst. But I am always there maybe not the same as before just a little older and a little wiser.

We are never lost and at the times we feel we are it is the growing pains that come with life sometimes it is something so wonderfull to change within when we find smiles and laughter at other times it hurts to change through the tears and sorrows of loss but we are always there.

Hidden Memories

2006-03-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

I found that for so many years of my life I kept locked away so many memories so many moments in my life I didn’t know how to deal with. I found so many things that have made me who I am rather for the best or for the worst they have come to shape my life, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my love, and my faith. I found that they are who I am and that I have spent a lifetime trying to fight them to try and hide so many of them away, to keep for so long people and emotions locked out of my life but I cannot. I found that all I can do is the simplest of things, to embrace each memory rather I find a smile or tears, to hold that moment and love it because each part of my life is made of these memories and moments the good with the bad ones, they are who I am, I cannot fight it only learn accept it. I cannot change what has happened only what will happen.

Changes

2006-03-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

I have found that nothing in life is ever meant to stay the same, as we travel in life as we grow so do the things around us change something that cannot not be stopped but is given with the price of time. The things we knew a moment ago cannot stay the same but change with each day as we do it becomes our choice to accept these changes and alow for the cycles of life to continue to know that God is there to help us through each one. Even the memories that we hold in our lives slip into the sunsets of yesterday, they are given to us as a trophy to show where we have been, to look back and know what we have seen and felt in life, to give us hope in the future. That I cannot forget or put away where I have been those memories are mine to keep and have lead me through my life, through so many twist and turns, changes that come with living.

Patience of an answer

2006-03-03T22:18:00.000-08:00

I was told one time by my father that with time we find all the answers that are left untold to us in life. That they are not always given to us when we feel that the time is right for us to know; but they are given when the time is right for them alone in our lives to be given. The choice is not ours but rather a matter of patience understanding and time.